Love Letter 362 Who Knew?

Who Knew
it was the giving up
that mattered
Who Knew You were in the STOP
I thought
we had to race up that mountain, and meditate
to be like God
I thought
we had to
speak in tongues
to touch the tip of the iceberg
I thought
what I thought
while You Knew
that there was nothing
for me
to do
to get your love

You Knew, Beloved
You did

I Love You,
Your Beloved

Love Letter 361 Nothing Ever Changes

I have been living on a fortune
all gold beneath a sleeping dragon I have named
I have been believing in the dreams I have made
and let aside
your perfumes and your galaxies
into my mirror I have gazed
and out a window of my design I have devised a certain landscape
I have whittled away the practice of our meeting
and invented new ways to forget we ever met
yet
you
never leave
me

Love Letter 360 The Most Honest You Have Ever Been

it wasn't easy
fishing from the pond of you, Infinite Grace
I had to face
what I had not faced
I had to fish for all I had pushed away
I had to long for you
in a way
as to say Yes to your Mystery
I had to give up my expedition
below the surface
and begin
just to walk
on/with faith

I am still drinking with my left
and sober with my right, Beloved
I am in pain

Love Letter 359 The Truth Is Enough to Get My Attention

I waited for you, casting nets on the ocean floor
into the deep, I reached
into the wading pond of death, the cornerstone of life, I held my hand into the strong wild belly
unable to see beyond my intent, beyond my engagement with my momentary truth, my part of the telling of a story that has so many sides, voices, faces and realities
I waited for you as if you were a hand on the clock making its rounds.
I waited for you as though you were an entertainer about to perform.
I waited for you as if you were one of many fish confused and bewildered by my hidden trappings.
I waited for you, until the pain grew great, and crying out, I fell under an enormous wave.  I played tricks with myself, writhing and chasing, dreaming and replacing.  Analyzing every piece I had cut away from your tapestry.
I cried out under the weight of what I'd woven
I cried out from under the sea
Your hand wrapped mine and we journeyed together.  Your words " Just say it.  Just say what is true for you without the charades."
Four words, an alchemy so challenging to embrace, " I am in pain" gushed forth from a dark fenced in place.
" I am in pain, " you said, " is a full sentence."
So I said it again, " I am in pain."
I am in pain, Beloved.  I am in pain.