Love Letter 362 Who Knew?

Who Knew
it was the giving up
that mattered
Who Knew You were in the STOP
I thought
we had to race up that mountain, and meditate
to be like God
I thought
we had to
speak in tongues
to touch the tip of the iceberg
I thought
what I thought
while You Knew
that there was nothing
for me
to do
to get your love

You Knew, Beloved
You did

I Love You,
Your Beloved

Love Letter 361 Nothing Ever Changes

I have been living on a fortune
all gold beneath a sleeping dragon I have named
I have been believing in the dreams I have made
and let aside
your perfumes and your galaxies
into my mirror I have gazed
and out a window of my design I have devised a certain landscape
I have whittled away the practice of our meeting
and invented new ways to forget we ever met
yet
you
never leave
me

Love Letter 360 The Most Honest You Have Ever Been

it wasn't easy
fishing from the pond of you, Infinite Grace
I had to face
what I had not faced
I had to fish for all I had pushed away
I had to long for you
in a way
as to say Yes to your Mystery
I had to give up my expedition
below the surface
and begin
just to walk
on/with faith

I am still drinking with my left
and sober with my right, Beloved
I am in pain

Love Letter 359 The Truth Is Enough to Get My Attention

I waited for you, casting nets on the ocean floor
into the deep, I reached
into the wading pond of death, the cornerstone of life, I held my hand into the strong wild belly
unable to see beyond my intent, beyond my engagement with my momentary truth, my part of the telling of a story that has so many sides, voices, faces and realities
I waited for you as if you were a hand on the clock making its rounds.
I waited for you as though you were an entertainer about to perform.
I waited for you as if you were one of many fish confused and bewildered by my hidden trappings.
I waited for you, until the pain grew great, and crying out, I fell under an enormous wave.  I played tricks with myself, writhing and chasing, dreaming and replacing.  Analyzing every piece I had cut away from your tapestry.
I cried out under the weight of what I'd woven
I cried out from under the sea
Your hand wrapped mine and we journeyed together.  Your words " Just say it.  Just say what is true for you without the charades."
Four words, an alchemy so challenging to embrace, " I am in pain" gushed forth from a dark fenced in place.
" I am in pain, " you said, " is a full sentence."
So I said it again, " I am in pain."
I am in pain, Beloved.  I am in pain.

Love Letter 358 Every Supper

Dear One

I sat at the empty table (and waited for You)

in front of the empty bowl (which you might fill)

my hands were empty

my heart, empty too

filled with longing,

I waited for

YOU

Beloved,

Oh,

On the Third Day YOU Rose Again

to Remind Me

YOU are the table

the bowl

my hands

and my heart

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 357 There is Nothing to Adore but this

why god put you here for me to adore

is the mystery

i will not solve

with my lips in tandem with my shiny little mind

i must join

the mystery

at its core

where no else can go

but the mystery

then I will know

what no one knows

then I will know

how to celebrate the gift

without unwrapping

it

just like you,

I will KNOW God's Love

as if

IMPLICIT

in the gift

god gave me YOU to adore

so I would stop

asking

questions

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 356 How I Cope

On this mad terrain,

I have turned over the jungle.

given out galoshes to the men in white coats.

I am not living here...

so much

as,

wetting the pants

OF

the almighty unknown

just so people

have mud

to

stomp

in

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 355 How You Entered the Temple

sound of the great awakening

you were born,

then death

then living

nothing else was done

you entered the big GATE

of the city

and you were in

once a pauper

those GATES MADE YOU FAMOUS

once a priest

that entrance made you sin

what is it

about people

and their truths

that just keeps slimming down the GATES of GOD

and HIS ENTRANCE?

Don't they WANT to Get in?

(In a constant state of arousal, over loving you)

Your Beloved

Love Letter 354 This Night

Dear One

Make your manger in me

allow me be the inn

in which you steady your coming

allow me be the drum on which you enter the song

Dear One

I know nothing

like a virgin cries

I give birth

to thoughts and ideas

that cannot match you

I give birth

to my own fantasy

of what has yet to be revealed

Allow me be the stable

and the night star

and myrrh itself

Allow me dear one

to let your light be birthed

in each and every cell of me

so I may sow forgiveness

and give endlessly forth

forever

Your Love

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 350 For Now

The Only Thief is God

And All He/She takes, is Hers/His Alone

Let It Go

Back into the Melting Pot

of Love

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 353 Answer Me

I witness you

because you are the cutlery

with which I whisk my fingers

and dry my eyes

so thine own work be true

I unstead my fast

so I might be steadied

I hold your yoke

so I might be keeled into unmettled union

I bare your flask

so I might wear the serpent

and drink his venom

just to know God

in these thin halls, where the weak mind keeps on binding

I bend down my heart

and rub it in the soil

of your unseen sound

and prepare my prayer

like a ball gown and a garden

and still

your steps

mistake my vow

for worthiness

Oh Love

anoint me

at the foot of your star

and allow my little light

to wear your Oil

Oh Love

take not my rest

but my pungent steadfast lunge at your crib

to honor You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 352 Calm me

For I have known forgiveness, my lord

But I have not known you

For I have known bread and butter

and my enemy by his name

But not you

For I have fortuned and entered the very plan of my own heart

aching and meeting

again

the undulation of the breath unknown and the thing ungiven

and still

Your Breath

maintains

a singular identity which embraces all

And I know not

how

to break free

and Love

that which already Is

so Precious

without begging to know

HOW

it is

it came to love me

Oh Lord, I ask for your intercession

as you know me well

and claim over me

all that ever is

may I bask in you

forever

whether I know or not

how it is

You came to Love Me

Your Beloved

Love Letter 351 Exceptional Following

I relish you

down to your toenails

each fine arch of trouncing comfort cuddling the ground

gripping the grit of each step with triumphant steadfast fumbling

precise exclamation of each vibrant beast of life

standing in its power

coiling and uncoiling

positioning Your Body

to Greet Me

Each Day

positioning Your Body

to Greet Me

Each Day

like a Holy Trundle

Rolling Across Salvation

to Make Me Whole

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 349 Tear this Chapel Down

My Lover,

those twigs which stoked my fire, burnt down, to twine, with which I tied our love

and your usefulness began at once, to feel ushered and pragmatic

I went to you

first

because I could not steady my entanglement

but your oar

bore like a blade

through my insistent heart

we are mourning

can't you see that?

this thread

no longer holds our warmth

from the boat

I drift

my own anchor

to love

addictive

you spill oil

over the edge

and I am swimming

in separation

but

I love you

no matter where your eyes look

your pen retorts

but

I only hear

that you can't come

when I call

but

Lover,

my patience

is borne of God

my pretend abandonment

can be pawned

from the sobbing

the shaking

exerts

a freedom from paralysis

God has dragged me

to the center

of my love letter

He has put in my hand

a wet cloth

and He has pushed the whole of us

across those fine bedouin letters

until

they did not exist

She said to me

"this is not love"

and I wonder what is

I point to you

He says, " that is not love"

I want to protest

but

in Her hand

are all the letters, and all the lovers

and I feel nothing

I am at a loss

what is love?

I do not know

"There!" He says

"There, in that thought, is the cracking open of the heart!"

The cracking open of the heart?

I do not know is the cracking open of the heart?

"Yes," She says.

"In the I don't know is the edge of the I Am"

I let the letters burn in the loss of our love

the cold wood consumes those words

I let the humor of all my cravings

spit you out

and I vacate

myself

silence

is what is left

a silence

which knows

nothing

a crevice

in the noisy art

ah!

the best day of my life!

Your Beloved

Love Letter 348 Finally At Sunset

Like a virgin

on the lip of lust

I have been here, treading water

treading virtues/virtuous behavior

all for the willing drowning

of sunset ---

when my breath would go under

the ample sea ---

along with my chastity ---

oh, lord,

so we could finally be lovers

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 347 Barter Away My Lord

I am bartered away for new love

all I am is given

By the one

Back

and in

All that matters is the new love

that comes

and all that is given

is dust

Given into new love

By its combustion

I give myself

But I am given

I lose myself

But I am still the matter of the gods

If I think I am

then

all I thought

is compost

in the garden of the One

and all I am

is hidden

because the one

will take me

back

from myself

any day

to mix me

in again

with the soils of love

and bring me back

to love

without myself

for you,

Beloved

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 346 The Licorice Cross

Your plates come filled aplenty

Your wardrobe like a Greek Spire

We have nothing

to hollow out

Oh One

for everything

is solidly Abundant

At Your Feet,

I find the lamp

filled with oil

On my lips

I know an inordinate amount of verse

In these hands

I hold a quenching and insoluble heaven

On these knees

I find the power

to know you more and more

Through my humility

I come to flower

in my abatement

I find the truth

Oh Lord and Lover

You have wounded me with such perfection

I cannot cure Your love

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 345 And They Rode into the Sunset

Then,

You came

and the rest of my imprisonment

faded away

Your luminous candor

like the operating table for my rage

I went out hunting

only to make love to my prey

over and over

until

I too

became the prey

of love

Your royalty

spooned out

inseparable courage

so that I slay the doubt of the dragon

into a transformable passion

that rode out to the ends of each legendary limit

and surpassed them

with the illicit glee

of the already knowing Goddess

of

irrevocable

Certainty

I had to do nothing

in order to receive

the final and unabating

Certainty

of my own Source

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 344 I Kindle my Rapport with the Beloved

This thin encounter

has only been the garb of god

I have not used it

as my defenses

but to relinquish

all

your courtroom

is translucent

the sentence

always

to love

each step

that I abandon

let me brandish

the next

in my knowing

your harp

holds the ancient tune

each string --- a candle

and the shape of the wood -- a cathedral

which catches the soul

in its melodic net

Your tune

is the fingers of your tribe

rattling their return

(rapping on the door)

already kissing the floor

with reunion

I am always near

if not,

then

I, myself, am you

Your Beloved

Love Letter 343 Bandits in this Castle

one drop

and the swirling buttress of truths

falls slack

the hollow temple heaves its last stone collapse

the lowered head

mischievously thinks of lifting it

I am content

my lover waits in the back room

brushing the truth off each tile

he knows

I have come to inspect

the gracefulness of certainty

he pours a cup

for me to drink from

and predictably I will wipe the rim of the glass

why, you ask?

because I have never handled something so worthy

of my service

Your Beloved