Love Letter 337 It is too Tired to Say I Love You

Sexual Chemistry, is a whisk touched by these ingredients

every eye I lay on you

is a mystery

each searching is still a quill in the ink well

My love

I have given everything to know you better

but given so little of my suspicions and expectations up

I arise to meet you

each greeting a long bridge between where you are and where I want you

have you stretched this far, my love, to forgive me

and say "I do?"

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 336 Wild But True

I don't need to write to you

anymore

my love has expended galaxies

in one dare

and a glass ballet slipper stands outside the castle

while I slip on

one last word

my love,

each of us

dare to dare

once in a while

we pick up sticks

and slay the dragon.

we win the war of wine and tea

we have laid out the flowers for the king and queen to enter

we have made our prayers out of nirvanic straw

but my hands go up

at the thought of these last letters

all of them, too long, too short

and these calisthenics have been practiced into a dull hell from which the center has been lost

dear one

have you hit your head on my word?

as I danced to midnight shuffles of my mimicry of love

have I lain down enough in that hearty snow

to know

that love isn't made of cartwheels

and the temple walls are not glass without stone?

have you rested on the answer

or the anchor of this living

or have I tried to rake those stones like a wild pack of neon wills?

have I chosen

the right path to love you

or will I always wear one shoe?

I love you

Your Beloved

Love Letter 335 Not a Winner But Thank You for Playing

It is better not to be too amazing

they will see you, court you, draft you

and then

who knows how they will place you on the prayer wheel

I died of sugar shock

and they fed my corpse ice cream

I did not know

how to wake them up

and they figured

it wouldn't hurt

So what do I do, when it's my turn?

I show my ticket at the door, but still

will it be enough?

if I lean toward you

when it's over

will you say I look sexy when I'm humble?

Your Beloved

Love Letter 334 Ignore My Groping

All these candles have wax, my love

what can be done?

if lit

the wax drips

what to do?

in time

it runs out

how will I see?

but nothing

has changed

except my dependency

on its light

before

and after

you are still perfect

the way you are

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 333 New Dawn

The rooster crows in the new temple

just as he did in the old

shits

and mucks about

as if

this isn't rutilated quartz and inlaid gold

makes a racket

during sermon

and silence

cares not about shoes, sex, or showing too much face, neck, arm or leg

no

this wall

has been an arbitrary dance

been politeness and politics

when this temple is old

the rooster

will still crow

and its prayer, my love

will always

be heard

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 332 Cold Tea

I suppose, my humanness, has disappointed you

it seems all I've dreamed up, is still a dream

and I fluctuate between a few pounds of idealism and a few pounds of realism too many

but

I will still write

you

I will still smack my lips against the stamp

and stick it in the mail

I will still

keep the password

a secret

and wait for the post office

to send its chariot

of your love

I will apologize

too many times to project out into the future right now

but

I will apologize

I will know

that it is no good to try to change

anyone

or even anything

I will let the tea brew too long

because

I will forget to be present

to the tea leaf and the pot

but I will still drink it

and that, my love

is the part of myself

I will

give you the key to

Your Beloved

Love Letter 331 Bounty Hunter

in darkness,

I swept my eyes

clear

there was no epiphany but light

I did not judge, depth or shallows

for to one accustomed to such fathoms, it is not dark

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 330 Beyond the Red Carpet

Do you need a street sweeper, My Love?

One is who is messy, or beautiful, or made out of wooden doves and a chariot with golden legs?

Do you need a Mrs. Clean?

Someone who carries on and on at length about the size of her petunias?

or wears her heart, like a dragon, on her incipient sleeve?

How about a strong wind, or a swoon of Goliath locusts to devour all your foul misunderstandings and derived misleadings?

I have a sponge, my love and a small brush

and my lips go together to inhale or exhale the dust

I have long hair

and a small cart made from recycled imaginings

and a trinket or two which can be welded into a wild underwater vacuum

but I have knots

and kinships

and drafty hinges

and wings which drag on the ground

Your scarlet wonder is calamity in drag

and your malignant pointer is truly a soft caravan of art

I hum in the temple and the shower

I say your name both in prayer and radical disgust

I abuse all of your commands and legends, and then

I bow down to them, I drape flags of them, I quote them on my t-shirts

is this the veil or the unveil?

is this the pauper, beggar, meek, or ambassador of penance and finance?

is this the way, or the unravelling of the only way

is this the fruit or the poison apple in a snow white forest/orchard?

Do you need a second to think about it?

or

are you always ready to say

yes

even when I ask the same question in opposite directions?

Have you need of a maid

or is my circular logic enough maelstrom for your already pristine heart?

am I a banquet beloved, or am I just one beautiful famine

after another?

bumping into God's door

fishing into your pocket

I can do my best, but only You will know me

no matter

what

is under

my carpet.

and I rest in this.

even with my apron on.

Your Beloved

Love Letter 329 If You Needed to Know

Of course,

I have heard you

a siren in the slit of dark, waves over a steady and calm ocean

you are still wounding your wound, but I find you

ever increasingly adorable, as you wring your dreams against a long lot of trembling dinghies

I would not trade you

exchange or even change

all that has perfected you

or that becomes you now

even in your insolence, and self-smattering sorrow

there is something of the magic that I love

there is a fight which is magnificent... an arrow in the bow!

My love

you dance around the truth, but I know

that it lives in you

Your honesty is the ruby nest of the rose petal

Your broken deck, simply room for a bigger yard

You, My Love, will never lose me

even your bruises are a blue sky chamomile

even your fists are like napalm love

I 've wanted you

without censor, filter, foolish cover-up, no glitter is needed to make me notice

there is a light

Within You

and every moment

I am watching it shine!

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 328 Still Confused by Your Miracles

Oh, Holy One

I am sick with discontent

watering the weeds and picking the flowers

furrowing my brow in whittled anguish

wanting to nick my neck on your solemnity

I reach out,

because I know

you will be there. even if I have long left myself

I know the wood is burning

I know the tender sage will envelop my hogwash

I know your sandals

carry so much dust

that I am on solid ground

when I am with you

Your love has emptied me of every thought of leaving

all my curses become a common thread of self-doubt

and in your presence, that silver lining becomes a silver tongue

I bang the gong and arrange the halos

this work of tricking myself into finding and seeking you

when there you are

on the fridge, like a work of art

magnetic and exposed

your gum has sealed my kiln

and now I am only

polishing

the dew

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 327 Contemplation Station

Today, I am remembering

how the world ends

and all my disclaimers

won't matter

and all my gratitude

that is left inside

will become dust

because on the plate of you

God

I have left all my old poems, a brick for each intention

a wisp of hair for a swamp of love

I have wanted only you

but wandered

like a blind man

in a temple.

all the while,

in Your House

with dirty shoes.

I have gone on and on

picking at the bones of my intention

gnashing at the carcass of colluded bone

bullied improvisation

and tender percolations of love, tested by my own hulled beat and stilled cantankerous blows

I have waded into the jungle on bended knee

like a superman

whose cape has long been woven

in his mind

but goes unseen

by the brier and the brush

I have slept in your glass holy water

and still

wanted my own dam pool

My Love,

if I told you now, all my excuses for bedlam

and crises

and laid down at your feet

each malnutrition and elbow shove

and sold all my pertinent curtseys

and flamboyant yearnings for paper wings and a Hathaway smile

would the grocer notice

I had been to God

this morning?

or would I still bump into walls?

It is your love

which makes me even wonder,

Beloved

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 326 The Love Laughing Contest

Remember when this was

optimistic, Lover?

When I, in intelligible articulation, counted your curves, like Jupiter's moons?

Remember how I bombasted the world regarding your nectar... never quite giving away the whole secret, but certainly saying too much?

Oh, I was so callously in love with you

like a virgin, I thought the mystery was Mount Everest.

But, my love

in all this pepper, I have thrust on your delicate flavors,

there is something of the unfolded and confounded truth which, proven temporary, and ever changeable, as you can see by each letter,

that I have discovered

just the right reach of words

for our silent umbrella, and groovy cactus disco

that you and I, are not meant

to be lovers...

no, this is just a joke

that lovers are just concocted egos arriving on a tropical shore, with canaries in their bathrobes, and mexican cool whip in their pina coladas

no

lovers are like Mr. and Mrs. Howell

drowned out by the inevitable quicksand

You and I

we are pen pals

correspondants

rumors

religiously rumoring, that we have rubbed elbows with love

only to

confess

into the dense foam of a lonely mattress

that we haven't, aren't or don't

enough

You and I

are forbears of an economical truth so overshot

that it is time

to reconcile

all that we thought love was

with

what it really

is

a laughing contest

an utter, outlandish, intimidating, reptilian laughing contest

out of which

we emerge

heroes

for having

remembered

the joke

I Love You

in the way a good joke is really funny

I really love you

Your Beloved

Love Letter 325 Struggling To Know This

I have never thought of you as anything less

though I hold myself accountable for many thoughts, regarding our failure

and I never wanted you to be

anything

but purely happy

but I have to admit, that I have often wanted you to be

the very exact and concurrent thing I am wishing for

and I readily agree

that I have altogether

expected

that the world would come to an end

only after

I was done with it

but now

in the midst

of the end

ing

I am listing

how I have been

too harsh

to care

too right

to change

too frustrated

to put all my embers into one dam pyre and burn something

All those old melodies, make me want to remember something more magical

than this

but I have not put my finger

on this

in a long time

so

how

would I know?

Your Beloved

Love Letter 324 Mount Rainier

Rusty, my love,

may I inform you. that I am no better off than I was. and that I was always better. but now, in the infirmary, I wonder, out loud, about all this stuff that has come to pass, to make me wonder about the stones and clouds. I seek your comfort and reason. I am foolish enough to pass the time this way. thinking it will all work out, by not working it out. my time is wasted and yet, the wondering suffices for something. was I enough for you? did I catch you while you were still alive? did I give you cancer or cause your drought? was I the wine when you wanted water, or the water when you needed wine? what predicament did I get you in? did you wait for me in the pool of your ideas? are there any empty glasses for a cup of tea? did you burn your fingers on this stove... and can you ever forgive me for running off with the perfume of your fingertips? I was without love in my imagination...I was without you.

and now. I just remember, that I was always in the garden, kissing your lips. always locked in the passion of your infallible lightning love. always better, ever better.

and this is just me. phoning in... pantomiming to the stars, with licorice lover letters, hoping you find me on the outskirts, of something worth pursuing.

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 323 The Seventh Day

I have thought of you for six days:

one before water,

and five,

after.

but now,

I rest.

and still the thoughts of you

arise

like water from a dead planet

you exis

before

life startled you

into breathing,

you became

before being

and coming,

you were,

before I

laid my hands

on this dust

which makes you now.

and so

resting,

I realize...

all of this was done

already.

like running my hand over sculpture

the clay already

ready

to make me understand

all my work and effort

a dream of ideas

pouring

from

an unseen stream

your ceremony

awakening me from my own eyes

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 322 Arduous Behavior and the Transcendent Scapegoat

I have totally misunderstood

what love is

I have burned the book

that said this

and I have left behind the book

that said that

I have learned from honey bears

and honey bees

I have leaned closer

but I have not understood

what that word is

today

I walked

the 40 days and nights

in my head

and ended up in Paia

with a bag full of lemons

which I'd intended

but the fast

of love,

My love

is no different

it stretches for miles

inside the self

its counts all its longings

it hesitates on its path

it sways

it gives up

it re-resolves

it tightens its fists around the collar of admonition

interrogation

doubt

delay

frustration

purpose

interrupted

it hoists a graveyard of fear

over the still singing coffin

it bears its burdens like a ground hog

which has everyone watching it for news of something it has no interest in

My love

I have lost causes

trying to find my way in the dark

and the Huna

show mercy

though I cringe at the lava rock

if I am asked to

"get in"

I will hesitate

because

I think

I have something to lose

I forget

I have something to gain

even the divers

at midnight

know

the shore

is loaded

with desperate illusions

which they must

forsake

for a deeper truth

even understanding my misunderstanding

is

another detour

from

jumping in

Your Beloved

Love Letter 321 Ninth Caveat

Did I chase you here?

into this entirely hybrid orchard

to tangle your fears...

wish you ghosts dangling from the poised element of your trust?

My love

I have burdened you here

so we might go together

over that paved field and plant lilies

I have lifted my course and bit into the compass

so all our Norths would follow the Sun

My Love

I have pledged a freedom only fruit flies ever tell about

as they nourish themselves on someone's budding, burning fruit

I hold my oyster like a plague

and you pluck my pearl

like a master

My Love

I have been in this jungle too long, not to love it

and you,

have been to the edge

and just whistled

waiting for me to come

like a dog

but I don't blame you

you haven't understood the charm

of this world

the chant of this display, desperately breaking your heart with innuendos

My Love

I have long cooked on a raw fire

all my sadist's attempts to make you happy

everything I have done

has rid the soul of its own mercy

all I ask now

is for a few friends

to judge

my intent

for a beautiful world

and the way I walked the ground I worshipped

and the way

I wove you

into everything you

are

even if you are blinded

by your own

fear

of looking

in the

mirror

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 320 Outstretched Palm

It is your well

I wish

into

Your well

I wash

with my heart

all my convictions: oil; drudge; scrubbery

pulling at the tires of this

jalopy

all my contradictions

pulling at the coil(s)

of you

dear one

It is said

that I am elevated

as much

as I lower myself

This Kingdom...

is fit

with a Queen

has always

been fueled by red tents

everywhere

It is enough to ask for your Purity

and receive one broken stone for every favor

I have discarded my futility

A/Oh highly intelligent Love...

for today, I will make no decisions

which will cost me my heart

or you, yours

I will serve

only with my questions

Am I being close enough to God?

Am I believing in the power of forgiveness?

Am I willing to Love?

Your Beloved

Love Letter 319 Which Coast are You On?

Beloved, we scrambled

for the last piece

last night

the last piece of the last star

you held it

then I did

then something in one of us... both of us

snatched it apart

you took it from me

I took it from you

but the Ocean knows we did not share it

All that's been given to us

we act

as if

it's ours

while you sit across from me

I see you as separate

even our lovemaking

perishes

in our struggle

your turn

my turn

something

gives up

and there is no longer

the lover or beloved

only the bed with 2 leaping frogs

only those lawn chairs chafing in the dark

only the lucid wind

happening upon 2 angels

clipping

each other's wings

oh, my love

I have done you so much wrong

I have taken my own prison

and invited you into it

when I could have

given it up

I could have loved you better, my love,

can't you see that?

you deserved more

but

I have consoled myself in isolation

self-absorption, my only weapon

each rancid tracking device, de-fended

All the while

you were chasing me

with bowls of honey

I thought you were a hive of bees

each time

you were dropping a coin

in my till/strongbox

I thought you were stealing my strength

Beloved

we have come to this sea bed

and divvied up the fish

the ocean is empty

and all I am asking

is

for its forgiveness

maybe then

I can replenish

this desert

we invented

between our 2 oases

maybe then

I can give all I have taken

back

maybe then

the stars can trust us

to make love

under them

like lovers

who no longer thieve for love

Maybe then

you can trust my

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 318 Titanic Heart

Beloved!

I am on the countdown!

I have hidden my clock under your foot and await your stomping!

This has been hysterical, heretical, and wholesome

this journey through love's ascending caress and eternal cavern

I have been smitten and spit at

I have burnt up all offerings and still sit at the pit and wait for one more ember to glow

halfway into the night

one more ember

one more sign of your love

one last decent request for my heart on your hibachi.

Lover

I have lived in this land mine

and left my aching step in the lantern

I have chewed through the wire

and swallowed that dynamite

I have lived with the love- hate switch of the challenging grenade of your all encompassing hypno-frazzle

I have leapt at the coma, and left the couch crying for solitude! solitude! solitude!

But where is my sugar?!

where is my cloud of 88 pearls?

Out in the seabeds, stingrays and parrotfish wander

out in the grey silted quicksand of coral and lava

I leave my lurching credit of lies

out in the crater, where everything appears then disappears

I must surrender to knowing nothing

and trust

that your next step

will be

into

my heart

Your Beloved