even this disingenuous spirit, with all these cathedrals built to mecca, which bow in indifference
still know you to be my only soul
all these shacks against the only coast I care about
all these benign exemptions
and trivial disencounters
I beg my flesh to arise a portal to you
but I am still sinking... a self-enrolled, defensive fish
defending my army of ingrates, my superficial empire of hideous loathing
have I butchered you
or captured your spirit
have I give you the holy host or the highest praise?
have I sat in sherlock holmes' position, questioning the very art of how it is you are?
No My Love
I have done nothing
for nothing I do
touches your coat
all of my howlings: inconsequential
all of my dreary impetus chants
all impotent theories, like, rhetoric on a dead bach
My Dear
I have held my defenses, my castle walls swell with pious ill-humor
I cannot let down my very insignificant guard
not even knowing that in me, You live
I have given you my shadow
I have made for you a friend
with which I wrestle
I have torn apart the shore I live in and rest on
and more, I have given the very labyrinth of my berth
to Him
If I wanted to be with you, I would twist all my wounds into one perfection....
wouldn't I?
If I were truly grateful, I could bend... and behave
If I were mortal, I would recognize you as the only one thing which could distinguish me from hell or death or rampant self-indulgence
but you, Lord, Perfecter of the Art of Love
have taken all my brazen religions, have pulverized my sense of humor, have fit me with a castle full of thieves and angry widows
have taken for my grapes of hope, a path of solemn leaves
My Love
You have given me Your armband
and like a warlock
I keep it
hidden
so that someday
I may arise a priest
but now, in this daily living,
I am given to personality
and constant honoring of my own single-ized, impervious wave
You come to me in many forms
and often, I shoo you away
the Aries,
the Capricorn,
The Holy Ghost
and a million thorns connected to my sacred salutation
Oh Lord,
You fill me
with all this angst
and love
and it becomes
a test
to see
who
will come up laughing
today
The Eternal Apology
lives in me
The Eternal Apology
finds its way
...
after I leave
after I have accosted yet another messenger
of
everything.
I want to believe you
and return to you
purring like an infinite kitten
but, Love
your remedy
is like a sneeze
in my Aquarian system
and though I bow to you
my back goes stiff
in the cult of seeing you in all others
I still am weak
I still am not enough love
I still am seeing the world
half decorated
in my sense of habitual humor
how I see the world
when I can hear you clearly
is so different
than how I see
when I am churning my own melody
My Love,
Forgive Me
My Love Is Feeble
Yet it Lives
Your Beloved
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