Love Letter 295 Karmic Petroglyphs

catapult me

cuz I am god

and there is no legend

saying

other

wise

be here

because to know me

is to know now the very center before all differences

this now is the very interface of all indulgence

come

civilized being

of the mortals

and speak to me

for I am an amphitheater for truth

and I sit in allegiance with thee

as thou(est) performs

all unmaskings

come

believer in me

for I don the forty truths

I sit and weep with thee

I laugh when thou art done

excited for our next venture

you know me

I am true to my name

does thou consider me

still living?

if I ask

it must be so

what would thou doest with me?

Oh Beloved

the sum of all hearts

still does not prove

what I know

in this still childish one

that you have invented all disclaimers

to put us gentle to the test of love, and let us pass.

Oh Beloved

your truth is true

but I'm reluctant and precious

I hold a grail and call it gold

but you open your hand

empty

and extend it

offering

help, love, affection, gratitude

Your acts

have spoken

without metaphor

or magicians

Your alms house no arrogance or frillery

in all my mystication with myself

you pull a single thread from a trillion fibers

and I retire my puppets

My Love

will apologies and confessions gain me love?

Must I constantly profess myself unknown

just to be ready

to receive you?

If I lay down

all my accolades

for self

I will be naked

in a house of successful dressers

My Dear

you always ask too much

and never deliver

my small-minded wish

I have always been too busy

to brush aside my own ignorance

but I have watched

others

let go

into Your Grace

Whatever you give

is grandiose

compared

to our self-prescribed rapture

I have been a link in the caravan

constantly bucking my brethren

I have used your name like a critical vessel

to get my point

across

I have been learning

like a good student

so flattered by her education

that she can't guess

without drawing a graph around her straight A heart

My Love

You have listened close(ly)

to every argument

without giving in

Though I dream of a horse and carriage, a chariot and a corsage

You offer me

only

The Prince

this hand is trembling

to receive Your Love

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 294 Head to Heart Combat

surrender

the million miles

it took you to get here

these gates

are rusted

give up

the thousand thoughts you carried

through every trial

they're not enough

I only hoped

that when you got here

there'd be nothing left

but here I am

and we go at it

as if

neither one of us

has ever (been) hurt

or felt pain

or been through

enough

we go at it

for ourselves

for our selfishness

in defense of our whole story

out of sadness for our suffering

we justify

against the other

our own injustices

My Love

you would take me to market

if you could feel better

if it would free you

if all of those steps could be reduced to one

you would sacrifice

my pitiful turbulent chastity

My Love

if it would bring relief

from this hollow knighting and harrowing checkmate

I would leave you at the altar

I would run from my compassion I have patched together

to make you hear my whole story

Those gates are rusted

my Beloved

because our tears

have not been

for one another

but for ourselves we cried

to be victors in a match of victims

(we have fought)

the prize to be the neediest, saddest, weariest

has taken us

to a whole new level

of losing

the way to our own heart

Your Love

is all I ever wanted

but my love

has been a twig in a life of forest fires

I think about that twig

a thousand times

and each thought

is not enough to redeem my faith in love

but You

paving the way with your competitive grief

and relentless wounded ego

keep laying down the gauntlet

without fail

and in the paralyzing commitment to practice our combat

I fall madly

surprisingly

in love

Your Beloved

Love Letter 293 Obstacle Course to God

Because all the saints are watching

I rub my holy ghost

Because all the saints are watching

I prefer soft lighting

Because all the saints are watching

I wear my glasses as a signal I am getting close

Because all the saints are watching

I rob myself the pleasure of being too sure

Because all the saints are watching

I hold myself accountable for daring acts of dualism

Because all the saints are watching

I host parties in my head where everything goes well

Because all the saints are watching

I feel that sobriety is a dinosaur I must clone and revive

Because all the saints are watching

I am infested with insults like cobwebs my broom can't reach

Because all the saints are watching

I have heard illogical things sound very very likely

Because all the saints are watching

I have tucked in the corners of my bed, put my lights out, and pretended to sleep

Because all the saints are watching

I have let you go, wishing you luck, but secretly wishing all that luck

for me

Because all the saints are watching

I have given up listening to Rock n Roll and meditated on my breath

which sounds a lot like "Stairway to Heaven"

Because all the saints are watching

I have hit my children less and prevented a multitude of curse words

Because all the saints are watching

I have cursed my hitting, shouting, flinching, fearing

Because all the saints are watching

I have finally just said "What are you waiting for?"

Because all the saints are watching

They can finally help

me become a human being

and not an obstacle course to God

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 292 Silent as a Wedding Bell

Mystery is not enough!

I want real accolades

and common sense!

Rip tides

and the thing you wear on your finger after " I do"

I want all that lavish lascivious hoo hah

and the shackles of being in love

(with a rancid perspiring fool who only says "no" in latin)

I want the lap dancing madman to become the messiah

and I want these legs to walk on water

just because I have forgotten to pack my toothbrush

When you are there

the red carpet

covers the freeway of all my ideas

and I just sing to you

from that silent petal falling off my ego

I do not think that love

has made me a mockery

but I do think

that love

has

made

me

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 291 So You Know

I am not a broken doorway
which you can come in and out
without
wearing my hinges
further down
into a grape seed of turpentine wine
and I am not
hung here
for you
to salute
with your bad news
and grasping radiant penalties
I have no stock
in turning around
or giving up
but I will not
be
the bed
and not the beloved

So You Know

Your Beloved

Love Letter 290 Sometimes It Just Looks Rough

did you wake up

friend or foe?

did you miss the bus?

bang your head?

forget to eat breakfast?

did you make the great dash into the tiny dish

where you are still swimming

and not hear the angel purring in your lap?

I Am Here Beloved!

I have not lost my way

nor yours!

the stones will talk

if you listen

I have given each of them

a nickname for love

with them whispering them all

you should

have no time to drop ecstasy off

on the way out

AAh!

that sweet ecstatic stone

is it in your sandal my love?

Your Beloved

Love Letter 289 Not Even A Mouse

there is nothing to take

from me

beloved

I have left the stove on

and the kitchen empty

the bed is dressed with just desserts

I have piled all my innocence into a line on the fence

and given away my conditions

this time

I am looking at you

with both eyes

and everything else

is a clock on a wall

not ticking

you

you are my love

I am not looking

for

anything

else

to arrive

but

me

Love

Your Beloved

Love Letter 288 Do Not Be Fooled

you have moved on

this is only novel

to me

because

it hurts

but deep inside my psyche

you still exist

here

and like a fool

I will keep loving you

this grain of sand

is still a stone

and that glass

still sand

and my room

still holds a chasm of you

where dust has no pretense

no matter your coordinates

I am still with you

we betray ourselves with all kinds of abandonments

only to find

we are still with us

it is so creative of us

to think up loss

denial

forgetfullness

but we are still full

of something

other

than all our curses

still

the sun rises

on the glib heart

and still

the muse writhes in the art

your eyes which once held my beloved

will come again

to confront me

and I will recognize

love

again

Your Beloved

Love Letter 287 Simply

I only want to love you

for real

and not from a distance

I want to see you

up close

and not through a portal in technology

I want to know you by the fire

when the shadows and the flames leap together in a medley

of your wholly truth

I want to walk with you

deeply

where silence is God's twine pulling us together

and

to make love to you

in a garden where I have nothing

to hold

back

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 286 A Toast

My love,

let me dine on you

your delicious appetites move my archipelago

I am enamored by your lustrous tastes and talents

by your alchemist's tongue

and the strumming of your skins against the long backs of dirty rivers,

lust, making them clean again

I go forever

without using you to bid on heaven

but

in truth

heaven has used you

to lure me

your lips

have touched so many languages

yet

use

only

love

on

me

every stroke is an exhilarated dip into captivating water

a muse using the mystery

to steep me

deeper

a rune

on the banks of the Seine

saying she loves me

when I am learning "Je'taime"

oh my

butter my lips

with empty neurosis,

I have forgotten all my ills

everything

is sugar-coated

in the miracle world of

You

even my eyes

stinging

in salt water

as the ocean rises

in this plattered heart

I have disappeared

to love you

and reappeared

to love

May the rising tides

bring this batter

into service

for the world

May my footsteps

bear the journey

of one who makes a difference

My Love

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 285 somewhere over the horizon part 1

sometimes

I break my fast

with myself

sulking, I slaughter all the good I have gathered and gorge it with poisons

I forsake my own tongue

then entangle it with thirsty swarthiness

in iambic pentameter I trod my own game

and gallop its defenses

just to defeat my own aim

what work is this?

I insist in living without you

yet with you I am so obsessed

which is more innocent?

service or slavery?

I, my love, have torn you apart

in(to) ten rupees

but still you make sense

why why

do you go on quenching my nerves?

taking my insults

allotting me more rope?

why why

do you live and rise remaining here like an established country on my home front?

why do your words penetrate my steal dixie cup

and grate against my comfortable ache

I know amnesia

I wake up and go back to sleep

this loneliness a numbing sugar

which I inject

into every fear

of loss

even when there is nothing to push

I still have my hands out

ready to replace sisyphus

why why

all this goading

into nostalgia for love

you keep your sentimental arts and crafts out of here

you... you and all your love!

who do you think ruined me for doubt and despair?!

I can barely fake devastation when you're around

I wear all the ragamuffin scripts

and yet

you cast me

as the Christ child

isn't it enough to be omnipotent?!

You have to make me happy, too??!!

Your Beloved

Love Letter 284 A Toast

Out of harm's macabre mouth

his lips fly

He is Wilderness

the breath of God's smile

oh ancient cheek of wilderness

spilling in perfection's way

why am I like this?

open(ed) like the sustained host of miracles

beginning to gain eyes.

Am I not in thrill's thrust holding your ancient tongue in my translation?

aren't I stepping with dirty shoes all over your Jackson Pollack?

aren't these trees older than I ever was

and haven't they seen the wicked become the wondrous?

Your Wilderness

is needed

the gypsies

speak in tongues

and grant three wishes

to anyone

who has heard

you whisper

I have wished, of course

like this:

1 You

2 You

3 You

and now, Love

they believe me

I will take your orders

like a french kiss from a lover

a box of sweets

a thousand letters creased with love

and flowers

strewn in bridal rapture

I Love Your Wilderness

Your Beloved

Love Letter 283 Another Prayer

Somedays. when there is sunshine

I rather sit

inside.

Somedays the words you give

move molehills-- but I have mountains in my psyche

Somedays I have everything to be grateful for

but cannot feel a thing

Oh Lord. Beloved

give me strength to see you shine

through all my barriers, apathy, laziness, guilt.

Please, keep me actively awake in you

Even if I only look out a window from the inside

Let that be the one your Light shines in

today

I Love You

Amen

Your Beloved

Love Letter 282 Just Reward

I Love to Live

Because Life is Eternal

What a small pond I would make

for myself

if I didn't love Love

What a tiny frozen lily pad

I would be stuck upon

if I didn't Love

to Live

my swollen eyes shut

would miss the endless shower

of your pollen upon the whole world

If I am stuck, Lord

let me find a vent

I can fit through

make me thin or thick to slip through

unscathed by all my fallacies

make me fit enough to see (You)

or become so obvious

that even the "I"s of my illusions

(can) see You there

I Am so happy!

This Day of all Days, is the one I'm in.

And you put it here, Lord,

to enjoy with me together!

Oh Thank You!

Your Beloved

Love Letter 281 You Are Quiet

I act

like

we have forever

my words, take your ears for granted

each time I play a card, I look into the mirror

and say

"no good"

but this, only works, in solitaire.

because

when we play together...

...when I play with you

you say "every one is good, every one is beautiful, every one is worth it"

and I feel

something

other

than

loneliness

because when you say "every one is good, every one is beautiful, every one is worth it"

you are telling me

I am good, I am beautiful, I am worth it

and this

little brick

breaks through the mirror

in my

solitaire

and there is no

looking back

at me

badly

no interrogation

only the divine line, I cross

when we

play cards

I let you win

because

being with you

is winning

when when I'm with you

I am winning

Oh God,

I am a silhouette, mixed with many waters

my banks are dry

and yet I chat with wild onions

and the grilling of delectable sin

I wade through the answers

to come up

like trout into the fisher's boat

but I am holding

you

inside of me

Oh Beloved

your songs are my knees in solicitation

and my weeds

keep growing, though you are pouring down The Friend

and my weakness

speaks underwater

and all that silver lining my eyes

is still a stitch of hell

Beloved

we channel through each other

and this time,

You are God

why have I forgotten, all the gifts I held?

and underneath these blankets,

are my dreams?!

just poems powered by my greed?

incessant demands for your return?

chasms with switchboard co-operators?

I sugar coat You

just to strip you down

and then I let you give me

everything

when I complain

there are ribboned birds planning winter

and swans necking

in the audience

of my

flaws

I love you

stretching all your crosshairs

to meet me

in my

civil

war

I love you

breaking bread

over my

queen, king, ace

I love you

unloading the car of clowns

on my

root lock

You are my God

and I only

act

like You Are

when my microphone

is unplugged

I act

like we have forever

but

each dream

wakes from itself

wakes me

from you

and I wrestle

with

giving up

sleep

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 280 So Close

i have failed you

in all my deliveries I have lost my purpose

your pure wing

deserves

wind

and I am fumbling with a wheel of cheese

and a frothy vineyard

I have taken all my clothes and

hung them

like fragile roses

crooked on a closed line

and let my body

sag

into a single draping thorn

in the road

aimed to

bust your tire

and make you

pull over

this science

of

getting your attention

comes so close

to greed

that I cannot stare straight ahead,

but my religion

does not

relent

and I will put salt and pepper on my bed

if it

will

draw

you

near.

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 279 Next Time You See Me

I want to see you

in something less

there's always so much

going

on

that

a quiet clean slate

unclouded by interruption

your naked

meditation

is all I want

a couple of clean hearts

and one invitation to love

is all I need

to know

nirvana

Your Beloved

Love Letter 278 Only One

My Love

have you seen me?

my face pouring toward your world?

my feet

very clearly visible, at your throne?

and

My Love,

have you seen me

put my hands out

like a child

standing there in all my rags

not once

self conscious?

and My Love

have you heard the stones change into chestnuts

and small butter apricots become acorns

and the speaking unspeaking

turn my eyes over to you?

do you know the lotus flower

is a blemish on the water

and yet her petals

become its turban?

am I not serene enough

to seduce

you

into

not suffering?

I have held out my hand forever

yet you hesitate to take it

I am asking you to be with me

I am penetrating your antipathy

your avalanche excusisms

your cutlery paring away my encouragement

I have fully entered your world

and yet you say I am not here

why all these excuses to cure me of my existence, Beloved?

Which wheel must love turn, for you to

say YES?

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 277 The Stake

I cannot reverse this pain --

it is a howling rhetoric

sure to shore the whole of defenses

and still divinely love

I am cryptic, stilling the (im)moral urge

to undo you

your spell, too profound for my

words.

I have only wanted

a love story, my dear

not all these warm-ups

which were practice

for a swollen heart

whose chasm is unheard

and whose

echo

is dead

no

one solid

requiem

mocked

by an ever and eternal resurrection

Oh, My Love

I have longed to feel that thing

which hinges on nothing

but on which all hinges

I have begged

in the market

for a spear

to purse my stilted corpse

its wound like one great ark of hurt

I cannot spill my blood

even

for which martyr

could do that?

my only altar

is you

from which I sweep my tears

and return my jewels

onto what I scroll my heart

and still

these steps, like third worlds

who and what contain them?

build them

break them?

my journey to you

lies on a broken heel and hell of sorrow

all works conform to your grave

and

turning and tilling

I find your soul

the lamplight

in my cave

your heavenly castle

is but the next stair

and all I have started and stated

fades away

it is ample

this rock, staff, reed

I am full of what a wedding

would be

but

I am not

getting married

so

my dear

how can you stand me

sobbing in your bouquet?

how can you steady my butchery?

I have lived

to stop writing

to him

and

WRITE ONLY TO YOU

it is a stretch of imagination's skin

to crop a world

and paste it back

to

the

Beginner

all my salt worth like a stubborn drowning chalk

this time

I will give the love letter

to Him

which appreciates

my chivalry

and awkwardness

I am made aware

by my daily begging

that the altar

is

not

the love

but You

on which I put

all of me

where love burns all these words

Deliver me,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 276 The Road Less Solace

Dear Lover,

This letter is sad.

Can I show my grief to you?

There have been a long line of abortions

to my love

and though in protest, my body cannot stand

my limbs pour pure steel into grieving

loss and lead like great friends

filling a koan with tears

I love you

though I have said that

and still the water runs dry

the thirst...

is ever steady

the thirst...

is full throttle

the thirst...

is unbreakable

my love

I am lost

do you have my compass?

will you stay in the forest and hear my tears?

I have grown up.

like a weed learning to honor her own beauty

in a world of

flower and fruit

I have had to find my reason

for being less

than you were willing to spend/hold

My love

I am so lonely

the sparks from this stolen aorta are like granules of death

sputtered into a pewter rash.

looked over again,

I have come to the charmless bridge

where I must decide

birthing or burning?

each intention is so pure

all my thoughts taint it

I look in the river

and that murk has become

my mother

I want you to adore me

think of that thin bare line

which I adorn

You are always

the idol of my quenching

and yet I thirst

bucket of water in my hands

and yet I thirst

Lord, I want to be purified

I want your inner beauty

to wash out all my pock marks

I want all your vintage holiness

to spark my reinvention

if I am bathing

my feet

in your awe,

what crying can be cured

by

your

letting me?

I am all alone in this world

the Fates

smother and smear me

I roll along their walls

punishing

the pain

inside of me

can you endure

my hurt?

some letters, my love

are pure

selfishness,

rivalry

of one's own pretenses

thoughts become bargains

in the veil of the ideal

can you put up with this?

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 275 Pinafore

Dam.!

is it over?

I thought you would come back

but

alas

you have moved on

this love letter has been stuck in the silence I gave you

along with my refusal

to let you know my heart

and now

those things

will

never be opened

again

by you

it doesn't feel like love

as I say it

it doesn't move

like

anything but

fear

regret

animosity

incredulousness

I am still here

and you

are

not

do you know how much room I have saved in my heart?!

have you any idea how I have kept this shop

like a mausoleum of our addiction?!

can you imagine

how much of myself

I have bartered off

in favor

of keeping how I saw you

fitting in here

and all that vacancy

has been claustrophobic

as my speck of self

became

"the waiter"

how I expected you

to come

back

and move in

again

if I could just stop swallowing you up

and then

I wouldn't have to wonder

what God

wanted

because

with you

I thought I'd figured it out

no.

there are thrown and broken ornaments

all over

my

hope

chest

and sirens

coming

through my synapses

gasping your name

there

has been

no oxygen

since you left

and my lung

so deficient in love

has

collapsed

why

does

God come near

when I have fallen

in love

with death?

Why does She

wait

for the white flag

to drop

in a field of tumors

and the rest of this restless breath

to become

a strategy?

Can She see

that I have woven you

into

the whole world

I wanted

and that our love

had its own orchestra?

my heart

has a charley horse

not riding off

into the sunset

but

down

into

the vigilant despair

I borrowed

from the way things were

it is almost

too much

to throw

away the door

you closed

but God

has a bonfire

started

for just

such

nuisances

I Love you

Your Beloved

Love Letter 274 Your Fruitful Wound

in a form all his own

he will take your wonder

and pour it out

like unowned stars

and tread upon them

as if

they were

shadow

instead

of

all you had

and it will take

a little bit

longer

for you to

reach back in

and let him

empty

all the ten -cent- grieving- decibel- screaming

but

that is

because

you are identified

with

how that mercy will come

when

his hands

have bent you

into some agile instrument --

all your alloy

like a gem,

and when you

let go

of the practice.

of

the sound.

somehow

the magic

of what you are

begins

to

live

I want you to know

that I am still holding back

who

I think I am

from One

who knows it all

and I am still

tentative

about

letting

the alchemist's giant tongue

enter my esophagus

but I

want

with all my heart

the mercy

that I cannot give myself

and he,

knows how

to

give it

I love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 273 The Ides of Turning Over

dear love

in the moonlight, the fire still glows

tempting

all my eyes

to land

on it

and see

that we are all afloat

amid the murky water(s)

and though you float away

on that caravan of "I"s

I still see you guiding the oar

with great affection

and though

our drifting is not through

I have let you

take the anchor

of my heart

out

My love,

as I sit between the ocean

and that angelic, dancing, smoldering

I rap my head hard

against the surface

that comes between us...

I cannot see

out

among the flames, any darkness

nor light

it is all fantasy

sweeping the current of my real dreams inside of me

and I hold fast

to that awe

coming up from the stone speakers

and the flesh of fiery ash still pulling oxygen from the air for its journey

my love

my bath is your art, and your arms, and your ardor

though you have sunk it

like a legend

worth burying

I still journey

to the ides

to see it stir

I still watch over the embers

as if they were dragging me forward into a form I once remembered

I am still dangling my heart

like butter

into the wave

of your croissant heart

it is torture

to watch you throw it away

each buoy

a transcendental meeting

but your oar

still holds

the definite skill

of one

who came

in certain business

all ways point to the one

even as I dredge this river

I am not seeking your yes

so much as

I seek

what is certain

to surface

Love

that Great Ordeal, Love.

It is Certain

I will find it

here

and anywhere

I look.

Your Beloved

Love Letter 272 You Make Me Feel

you make me want to write about all the lost dangerous feelings I abandoned to be nice

and you make me want to

stop censoring

these erotic innuendos

that make no sense

except in sacred context

and you make me want to bathe the broken pieces of myself in your bath water

because you make me believe

that you can cure me

of the dying self I have created

you make me want to pull off all the shutters

and unwrap myself from all this fashion sense

you make me want

to get naked in a way that bibles ignore though babies are born

and you make me want

to give my God

all that I have

without pretending I am anything I'm not

and you make me believe

that God

will still be there

once I have put away all the costumes that make me feel less

than

aroused

by

Love

you make me feel like doing things in the Light

that I've only thought of

doing

in the dark.

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 271 Pride's Harbor

further on the journey, where the truth bends

I see a part

of the story

i missed before

by thinking

i knew

how this would end

I gave up

(in the middle

caring

about the next step)

but now

there it is

this little piece

of that design

You gave me to carry

and I will give no words

to what I don't know

(having stumbled here, again and again, on 'thinking I know'

it's almost funny

how I preferred rather than appreciated)

I will give no words

to what I don't know

because You KNOW, Beloved

and I TRUST YOU

I Love You

I love being this lucky

Your Beloved

Love Letter 270 Yikes!

it is too late

to write a love letter

for love

surrenders its shoulder like a summer lost in stars

and I wait to go to bed

even though

I am tired

and this night

slips away

because

'oh so beautiful'

is not enough of a bowing

I still want to pull night

into my great void

and make it sleep with me

I still want

the moon to move into the room I left bare

and push out all the abandonment with her rolling orb

the heat

becomes a reason to reveal what I have kept so secret

and I am wandering the hallway between writing to love and being written to

I cannot

get enough

of your believing in me

how you penetrate the day, even as I waste it, you appear

all your lips, without disgust, still expound wonders for me

all your eyes, without confusion, still ask for love

You ask me to stop cleaning my engines

and just look up

at God

I am so hung on to pulling out all the dust

that I have forgotten there is a clock on the wall

with a hand that never stops pointing to God

it is too late

to write

about love

for sonnets, like magnets for mankind have been written

singeing the heart like an open book

and my words like dried teardrops will not make the smoke rise

from what already has been burned

but I write

to avoid

holding on

to avoid sleep

to avoid waking up

to avoid

what I avoid

because I cannot face

that I have left You

to do something else

Oh God

when I look up

still be there.

in this intense avoidance

make me see you

even in the blindfold I often wear

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 269 This is a Yoga

how do I write these?

well

I think of you

and how you come

with bread and water

to my cave

everyday

whether I show my face

or not

you don't disappear

even if

I do

You come around

when I can't stand anyone

including myself

and

you sit out there

like a cool wind

which doesn't blow to disturb me

I think of

how

all my prayers

are like back talk

yet

you are listening

as if

I have cooked

for you

and even though

I have poisoned the food

you still say

"it tastes good"

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 268 Culture Shock

I always want to be in love with you

and this is such a test

for all you give to me

I am like a child at an amusement park

wanting to try all the rides

I wait in line

a long time

for seconds of fun

I let the cotton candy

melt on my tongue

I run

from ride

to ride

waiting in long lines

for seconds of fun

and I do this

relentlessly

out of breath

and ready for bed

still, somewhat dizzy

I forget

You

have given me

my life

Oh, Opera in the Distance

Keep Singing

...for you will awaken me

one day

Your Beloved

Love Letter 267 That Watch Your Wearing

I forgive you

but only 'cause you love me

I wear the white dress

but only 'cause you like it

jealousy

is like a hibiscus

it only grows in beautiful places

My Love

I want you to be happy

but not by leaving me

I want great things for you

but not greater than for me

You say things to me

that make me go numb

hostile enough to eat the sun

sometimes

I am packing everything I am

in my mind

and throwing

everything I think of you

in your face

but this phase passes

because the moon has allowed herself to grow dark

be covered up

by things we cannot see

and give herself again

when light allows

and I never hold her

phases

against her

I never blame

with my anger

her waning

yet I always watch her wax

with such ecstasy

that

I can barely finish this letter

I love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 266 This Act

I leave you

because it's the only thing to do

the only thing I've learned

to do

I press my bed against the wall

so I feel safer

the wall does not think me silly

so this is

the way

I've lived

all things in their place

of making sense

sometimes

and so

I

use

this

all the time

as my default

I have not followed you up to bed

because I know

there is warfare

around the corner

sometimes

so I

will avoid

it all

sleep tight

I will say

walking out

to my own ambivalence and anger

You hear me

in my footsteps

and the shutting door

is like a lid on a coffin

except, my love

that I have bowed down

in the ashes

of your throne/crown tore off me

and I have let you ride

a zillion times

on my white magnet horse

and I have given you up

so someone might know

you deeper

and wake your art

(more fully)

and my dear

I have practiced

looking long and hard

at my weakness

as you praised me

and hid

your very last thought

and my beloved,

from this threshold

of the door shutting

I can see

that God is not wearing

my

illusions

I can feel you put your head

on the pillow

in my heart

there are poems

about this act

but for now

I will let sleep take you

while I learn

I love you,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 265 Beyond the Sky

NIGHT

LIGHT

What thou sayest to me

is only thread

on the threadbare sky

I am grasping at fruit

cluttered in the sheer waist of your enjoyment

Capture me in that ring you dust --

examine like a root

caught in every angle of the truth

Let the world love us

it is safe here

where no one comes to tame us

We can be wild

in each epiphany

to stretch beyond

the place

where hate has held us

I am here

to enrich

your whole apparition

and that holy sky

which bends the needle backward

and will not stitch us

out of anything

but God

I Love You,

Your Beloved