Love Letter 204 leisure love

because I taste pollution: I give love

because the fire is burning: I give love

because you don't know my name: I give love

because you never call me: I give love

because I can't think of a single thing to be grateful for right now!: I give love

because my dishes need suds

because my mattress needs turning

because I worry about war: I give love

because I am too tired

because I have exhausted all options

because I can't keep my eyes open: I give love

because I lost my place in "the book," on the path, in the hardware store

because I am easily pacified by chocolate

because I have everything to be grateful for: I give love

because money is confusing

because I got what I wanted

because I didn't get what I wanted

because I don't know what I want

I GIVE LOVE

because GOD IS HERE

and I AM HEARD

and YOU ARE SEEN

I GIVE LOVE

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 203 Weeping Willow

I have lived here in this house

forever yearning your existence

your silk garb, indifference and soot

I have wandered here

your turmoil in my hand

I have been a wizard

on the roof

praying for a new wand

and captured dragons

at the foot of your bed, dreaming.

oh, the willow weeps from her post

like an agony erupting from beauty

we are so cursed with this coarse elegance

I am so fed

the lineage of grapevines

and porcupines

stings me

and I become

instantly converted

instantly satiated by the risk

to do Your Will

Oh Mighty Benevolence,

hold these shoulders

and shear their contempt

and make my hatred burn into laughter

with the sugar of your lips

Please indicate Your Beauty

in all my subtropic facets

and collude my atoms

into You

It is my pleasure

to wear the mask of all funerals

when

death

is just a distraction

from

the Vast

I Love You

Your Immortal Beloved

Love Letter 202 Cloak of Honor

help me

surrender.

Your chord, like a choiceless choice.

A Void I cannot empty

a needle I cannot thread.

with all your holy works,

I fumble.

I bow my head

but I am still thinking

"when will this bowing end?"

I only want to Be You, God

I only want to forget this secular sentience and Be Your LIGHT

I only want the gates of hell

to wear your perfume

one night

THEN. They will surrender.

WE ALL WILL

Your Beloved

I Love You I Love You

LoveLetterLoveLetterLoveLetterLoveLetterLoveLetter

I Love You.

I start out this letter

with that word Love.

I start out this letter with Love.

So many letters go written and read

without love

I thought, today, this one would be different.

This one

would be hollowed of sound

vacant of punishment.

This one would end all slavery

with one purpose:

to end the drought of Love

yep.

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE,

Your Beloved

I Love You,

Your Beloved

Love Letter 200 Uh Oh

trust me...

on the new moon of each birth

I will reach further into the vortex

and pull out your heart

worms and all

and scream

to the heathens

that This Is Love

and then They will celebrate

how they hold the heart between These fingers

and say

GOD GOD GOD

and then let it go

back

in

to the immortal

catchall -- carryall of the heart:

YOU

hmmm.

God Can Think Anything

he wants

and say all that she thinks

is fair

to make you

curdle

into waking up.

and me?

well I just write things that I see in nature

which have been turned into polycarbonate

and space-metal.

I just take letters

and rearrange them

to make a new word.

oh.

I still love you

I still bow to your essence

and all of the words

which can be made

from your words

and the name they gave you at birth: Lover

YOU ARE A LOVER

those letters make lover... love maker...

Love,

Your Maker

oh.

Your Beloved

Love Letter 199 Paradoxical Witchery

Cast your angelic light

on my grave

make me disappear.

this is my instrument

to work through you

to take your guts

and spell

mutual

I have lived here

and felt your fear barge into new blood

what is this war with the world?

I have loved too much

given too simply

and started a fever with all my complexionships

I have bidden erasure

and toasted the new grid of alliance with manna

I have gone shrieking into that rib of Adam

singing "Allah"

and do you know

I still haven't heard

your echo come back?

Why is that?

I am you, sitting on your couch, having this discussion

about

how Love is.

how stupid is that?

doesn't this remind you

of when we decided to come here

the first time

and be separate?

Can't I soothe you

with wine which has not been heated, scalded, scolded?

Is my corruption real

or do we put on a lid on the whole revolution

because

we must go out

side

for a cigarette?

All those noises in my chimney

sound so familiar!

what if this aching neck, is really a way to

avoid looking at you

eye level

and chasing you away

until you return

the pawn

to my chess set?

what if all this looking away

is really a sign

I have left you talking to yourself

and gotten myself

a new place to sit

out side

where all of the grapes are growing

instead of turning to dust

and gossiping

about God.

I would love you

if only I could retreat from this graveyard

and get over the fence

of my own misaligned ego

mal-aligned heart

aztec infumery

and handle

how

easy it would be to

meet you

half way.

Oh help me, stop casting spells on perfectly good water

and sleeping on cast iron grills

and holding all those old words

against new friends.

I Love You

Forgive me

Your Son,

Your Daughter,

Your Mother,

Your Father,

You,

Your Lover AND BELOVED,

I Love You

Love Letter 198 New Bird

purify me

... I am Yours

Your Volcano

is a fixture,

posed to dilute me

of my will

so I can hear Yours

Your perfect plumbing

in my equator

is a bomb

to my syndrome

of snobbishly holding you closer

without letting you in

oh!

how these fixtures writhe

and your sacred altars erupt like quasars:

vicious specks

turning the white world intense

with Your sulfur

Your sonic abbreviations for my boisterousness

howling in candescent silence

Why weeping is such a favor

to the human.

Why folding the cards

doesn't change

their fate.

Why borrowing your car doesn't make mine move faster.

but I know WHO You are

even though my commitment is like a bridge over a desert,

I can go so far

waving my flag of YOU YOU YOU,

hoping you'll hear

that I AM coming.

even if it takes a new thousand leaves to birth ten thousand acorns

so a forest can grow a million feet from here

and mature into firewood

so I can melt my steel meanings

and careful carved bedposts

into the next set of girders

and come that much farther

toward the ONE

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 197 Giant Boomerang

I went to the border of your Fishing hole

with my safety deposit box.

I am so obvious.

I wanted to collect everything I could get

for my fortune.

and you ran dry.

to teach me a lesson.

that was hard to get

while I was grasping.

I went to your fishing hole --

dried up and empty

I took my first fist of ice

and put it into your hole.

it felt so desperate and good

I kept at it.

emptying

until my box had nothing left

but the lock.

and from a distance, I threw that away.

fashioning the steel fireproof shell

into winter.

So I could heave that, too, into your emptiness.

So I could shudder

from your cold

eventual

melting.

I went to your watering hole. today. like a fish out of water,

broken into bread, I became your flesh, given out to dozens.

endless stretches of dry shells

on Your Shore

began

misshaping

into hollow cells and empty tombs and ... evaporating.

I watched the cloud overhead.

I began waiting

and like a hundred dry bits of bread

I began raining down.

Once more. at the beginning.

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 196 Bloodthirst

I expanded.

an ecstatic explosion of mind blown baptism.

heart, soul -- all these velvet wars

like dry coats

on your Fire.

Who do I think I am

after all this burning?

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 195 Why I Am Difficult

I'm difficult.

I know.

but my work

is to love you.

and my difficultness

is like virgin snow

afraid of falling

if I love too much,

will I become Your ground?

will I disappear at Your touch?

will I become Love?

this TRUST

is like a seed being planted

in Fall

I must go through winter

stark and heartless.

I push away Light because it is too much for the cave.

I Am difficult

Because my difficultness

is a Holy grave I must fill with my heart.

and this vessel can hold

so much of your love before

it falls apart

and bruises.

so much Love, Blood , Rich soil ---

pouring to the wound ---

widening the source of my reception.

I must go back

and collect water.

this bucket, a poor excuse,

back and forth, I must go

emptying out

my difficulty

like a barter

I can only trade so much, .... give so much

of my hold on order

in exchange for You.

I can only exchange so much

because I can only

hold You

for a quarter of a second...before I become so

filled

I break

a portal in my own

reflection

again and again

I go

to Your Water.

to fill and refill.

only so big,

so ready

so courageous

to let you Love me

(without suffering disorder).

I must break

fast

with my suffering

slowly,

so I bring water

to a well which can receive it.

I do not want

to waste

any ounce of You

any increment.

because I know

You Are Jesus.

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 194 From the Works of the Wind: a tiny dancer

come

come to me, my Love

for I am grateful now

in my awareness.

I have forgotten your flaws

infatuations --- regressed.

so now

I am safe

in this moment

I can hold your hand

I can bear your words

I can carry your ghost

and all those loose cigarettes you have given to the wind

wishes, half smoked, then cancelled out --

I can burn them

for you

into Truth

and I Love You

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 193 Forgiveness is Frankincense

because the weapons of war

are my eyes

closed

and the pantheon of dread

I keep hidden

I want to know

your sugar, stevia, agave

cloud, kite, weather, Will

I want to know

how you propose

to this darkness

and love me still

my hand on the candle, I tip the wax

it is I, who burn myself

but your love

blossoms in the burn

Your Love

ceases the suffering

I give to myself

Your Love

turns the urn

into a new cup

for life

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 192 Worms

If you don't have a preference...

I'll stay here

all night

and watch you sleep

'til the birds come

and separate

the day from the night

like caterpillars turning into butterflies

I flounder, my eyes cannot settle on a single groove

of your flesh

ALL OF IT IS BEAUTIFUL

do you speak in your sleep? (you question me)

and all I can say is

every part of you speaks

every part of you speaks

Your Beloved

Love Letter 191 There is More

Were you with God last night?

I was watching on the doorstep,

your shadow move through trees and wet dishes

the sink full of your awe

your third eye spinning a new galaxy.

What did She say to you?

You were so quiet

I could hear your heart listening

and I longed to burst through the door

to share that magic with you

but instead

I crawled in the window

of your bed

left open the toothpaste

pulled back the mattress

and saw the inscription:

God Lives Here

now I know

you have been harboring God

housing Him

in your temple

making Her breakfast

You have been holding court, playing "scrabble"

late night parties of Ram Ram Ram

You have been watering plants with Her hair

and She has been watering You

I smell the damp sea air

the moist embryo of your love together

dew rising on your sheets

as you Make Love with Your Listening

Oh God God God

I lie quietly pressed to your door

my body heaving in

and out the way you glance at each other

Can you see, why, now,

I have camped out here

all my life?

and why I come in

uninvited?

Can you see why

even your ignorance

cannot keep me out?

and I keep coming

like a good penny

bringing luck in the form of senseless, wicked, homely offerings

just to pray at the elegance of your door, just to wish it open

just to pray against it, with my heart holding its hinges

just to keep your house together

where you share your Love with God

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 190 No Advice

I am perfect as is

God is Perfect AS IS

You are perfect as is

there is nothing to be done

NOTHING

stop trying to make work

where there is none

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 189 Crosshairs

Be it Your Will

that I am here

aimless, in sanctuary with the truth everyday

and heeding

that ancient story

how confusion is a high state.

I love you

despite my method

of advancing insincerely,

praying loudly and with pride, provoking casual outrage

and casting my vote before I have heard the whole story

I have found my way, up the mountain looking down

and I have found myself at the foot of it, looking up

Where God is

is in my own two feet

Wherever they are, it is my responsibility to listen and focus

God is where you put your focus

in the crosshairs of that Divine Device, called the Heart.

Confusion precedes Clarity

I will find my way

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 188 Mango

When I lift my arms out

I am out, on the deck, near noon

the bottle of the world

glistening

with a message

capsized by promises

I still cut open the mango

and lick her juices

guilty for having cut too deep

she still tastes sweet

long ago

I gave up wanting to fold in half perfection

and focus on

the part I loved

the part I didn't

kept coming to my door

bearing gifts

of such great proportion

I became ambivalent

about which half I preferred

eventually

after going

back

and forth

I got tired

of all my division

and just

opened

the whole map

and laid it flat

knowing

that world

is round

and round

and round

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 187 Sugar Psalm

I cannot crucify you

my temple is too low to the ground

I cannot build you a pedestal

I am bent in prayer

I may say your name a hundred times and still not know your voice

but I will serve you

all the days of my life

ordinary love, Beloved

May it Serve You

Well

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 186 I Am Not A Statue

Forget Sin!

My Lord erupts from treetops, fountains bely his footsteps

volcanoes carry her message

I am centered in the buoy

bobbing in the ocean

and I try

not

to stop laughing

I am the hero in the bowed head, spider's egg, snake's rattle

I am the beggar in the presidential shrug and salute

I walk on water

so my wounds will disappear

and you will focus

on MY WORDS

LOVE EACH OTHER

(as) I (have) Love(d) You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 185 Let Me Be Inappropriate

Anoint the impostor

for he is your soulmate!

forgive the thief, for she has freed you!

let go the privilege of being alive

sink into disaster

become

death and the very depth of death

find the final plot against yourself

and let it turn to dust

Your Tribe

is in everything you do

every form of escape is a route to God

you cannot give up

without getting it all.

I trust you to do this

I trust you

to erase your death warrant

and return

to the cause for birth:

LOVE

I Love You for BEING You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 184 Short of Oil

whisper to me

Agent of Love

trust me with your flesh, perfume and pearls

give to me

all your naked soul has flung into the ocean

and I will build a labyrinth

out of all of it

again and again

I will walk

in practice, in prayer, in slow motion

breathing in

and out

the holy embers

of your raging love

I am Your apprentice,

let me

I Love YOU

Your Beloved

Love Letter 183 I Am Not Civilized

...before I ever knew

...before I stood here

...before grace was a verb

...and the heart had habits, not entirely its own

before anything had been written down...

before the brain became a household...

before trees were carved out (into canoes)

and birds flew south (for winter)

before before:

the archery of your butter

cast its milky spin:

claws collapsed into fingers

rain was still dreaming in heaven

fibers were brewed into one still mass

all collected for you

like a love letter floating in the year of our birth

the swallow rendered the hen

the ice; steam

the surrender became a game

I dragged you into

so I could learn

to give up

all that had come before

and after

YOU

surrender

SURRENDER

Surrender

I work so hard

to learn to love

and yet

Love

is so easy

my quest for you, a constant crow

"let go of working so hard"

"let go of learning"

What is left?

Love

I love you

Your Beloved

Love Letter 182 Three Hundred and Twelve

Come on!

You're not turning in already? are you?

I haven't measured your elbows

or counted your eyelashes

or pressed my lips into that one question that you haven't asked

We need to stay up!

I need to record

your breathing while you wash dishes

and sweep the floor

and read your mail

and then

I want to clean

under you fingernails

and make you soup

and bend you a spoon.

no, no

I know you don't need those things,

but

I Need to Give Them to You

I need more time to praise you

to sketch and paint the plural venus' in your eyes

I need to know

how many sticks and stones

built you

and how many names

you've been called, while standing tall in who you are

I need to know

if you paused

before you said

YES

to me

or if you were always sure

it's okay, whichever

because

I am still here

running my finger in the groove of all your Yeses

I am still here

counting the spirals in your fingerprint

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 181 Everything is Possible with Sand Between Your Toes

You have a curfew, don't you?

because I wanted to ask,

Will You help me build this temple?

round, and in the woods

with fire in the center

and sugar at the third eye?

shaping the wood without cutting it

and putting things together

without hammering?

and maybe

we can carry it to the water

if it's light enough

we can sail it

and put a little note

over the entrance

Come Be a God

Your Beloved

Love Letter 180 Ear Cot

one of us always has the last word...

as if that means something.

I won.

or

You did.

I suppose we think this temporary thought, mood, twitch in our stomachs

has some vital hold on everything

our relationship

like yarn unravelling

in both directions...

taken from the middle

we end up

far apart

winning, losing

I want you to win.

forget my ego.

just keep winning, will you?

it would mean the world to me

and the last word, to my ego

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 179 When Strange Things Start to Happen

no one is sleeping.

not in the house

the sheets still flat and calm

not on the roof

where stars stare down

not out there where no one knows what to call it

no

and not in this head

turning to see who I am talking to

we are all awake

fish swim guided by the water

mystery sings to the outstretched wing

wolves take in collections

of human translation

wine, gold, the trapeze artist

all begin to wrap desire

into one thin strand of ice

the contents of which

remain intact

no matter what we do

here

before you took birth

there was a clay pot boiling in the distance

and frogs leapt from seed to seed

and the blanket

on God's bed

got very very warm

I Love You

not because You're Sacred

but because

I cannot bend my arms out

as far

as

You Can

Your Beloved

Love Letter 178 You Know What to Do

in the garden, with your violet ambrosia,

you hold the world steadfast

through turmoil and amnesia;

its aching, like a new root taking shape in your unicorn face.

eyes

shadow

strong amniotic introduction

wine slipped between the fence of two startled foreigners

pregnant to know each other.

All words are dead... unless you speak them

Your wasping crystal ball like a

creature whose calm has turned down the volume

of sugar-coated chaos

arms

like lead

lift

leaves like ice

begin to fly

I am all alone

in a garden

where speaking is not imagined

and silence

is birthed on every bud

Ohhhh

still a trigger.

still wondering what it all means!

I book the whole hotel

hoping for a room with a view

but I tell you

while I am looking out the window

You make a nest

in my cornea

I am home

even when I am anywhere else

because you nest in me

Thank You

with Gratitude

Your Beloved

Love Letter 177 palette

Does it register? ... that I am all Yours

every infinite to infinitesimal

is an elaborate scan of Your Art

all worlds compress

into a grape seed

like grass growing through cracks

every instinct -- a fractal of the Sistine Chapel

each sour word--- a sculpture

from the first stroke

your face was being born

and God

has been stretching Your Canvas

I watched

because

I was embedded in the paintbrush

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 176 Soapdish

There were potions pulled out of wishing wells

whispering Your Name

before you were born

cupped in confusion

I crawled to sip what spilled

and was

enlightened

I bask

in the Isis- Osiris-Jedi- Master- Sun-Moon Power of all flowers which bloom

under your rain

and I wilt

without your kiss

though kissing

is always what we do

even when lips are mystics

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 175 You Are Always Wiser

You are too much!

am I exaggerating?

has my behavior of fawning, been too close for comfort?

I use this cliche, because

love, having been forbidden by many of our bad habits, is still on the loose and running wild with intention to touch you

in all the right places

when you are ready, open, available, have decided

you might like

a little love.

You almost are too much for my love.

so little have I

that to love all of you

all your spectacular self, I might have to tap into something ancient and resourceful

a well, or a fountain, or a source of resource so compelling and vast.. I might have to call on God

and my little ego, in the back seat, pretending to drive

might just have to let

something

as beautiful

as You

Are

navigate

this relationship.

I Love You

Your Beloved

Love Letter 174 Inherent in the World

How long will this go on?

How long can I love you?

How long will I write to you, in complex phrases to illustrate a love that needs no sound?

no vowel is strong enough

to deliver

the brute vitality of this love

no consonant can howl into an omnipresent provocative

to salute your sacredness

no initiation of a voice, no test of 5, ten, 15 years.

40 days and 40 nights

are just a symbol

of this subterfuge

of the way I know you to be true

within myself.

I can only deceive you.

because in truth

you already know

whatever I say to you

is just a practice

like being in a body, for a while

and being in a body for a while

is like

letting the firefly in the jar, be a lantern

for us, it is spectacular, ingenious, insightful

but for the firefly

it is a moment where the obvious, the natural, the immense

is poorly interpreted

I have not told you the truth. nor in 365 days will I be able to reveal to you all I am saying.

This practice, must be imperfect. a direct practice of imperfect enlightenment

a lantern

practicing

an imperfect interpretation of boundless light

I Love You

Your Beloved