and I cower at the door of loneliness
I remember
how your love can be light, dark, strong, subtle, absent, present, like a list of stones tumbled by the swamp
I find my fingers scratching
at your post
wanting to arouse your love
wanting to feel your tender attention
filling my empty slip
(weighing it down, until I exist again)
I am embarrassed to admit it.
of course
these things become innocence's blood thirst
cravings for the Impeccable
for vision into the unseen
I am wanting you
though my bed is in shambles
my heart has never had a wholesome breakfast
and I am on the floor, writing love letters to you
yes, maybe you should move on
except
we will never be strangers
even our isolation from each other's berth
will not make us so
we are touched by one another
and though severed, we remain, from the same animal
oh lover
won't you open the door
all ecstasy is dead in the distance between us
whatever I need
is purely
your presence
your mouth in my lap
your listening
I need your acknowledgement
...don't run in fear, boarding up what little window is left (between us)
my love
we have both been on this doorstep
and turned away the other
many times before
and also
opened
that tender door
we have made the mess together
your bed -- mine once
and my bed -- yours
we have tumbled these stones together
and put them in and out of order
beloved
tonight, the agony of awakening alone
is like a wrench loosening our contact
a wrench, my love
which has no business in my heart
have you ever looked upon the madness, knowing it is mad, and yet still drifting in it, treading it, floating in and out of knowing the One?
if my desperation turns you off, beloved
then you must see for yourself, that I am made of nothing more than you
Your shutting down, is my coffin
Your opening, a place in the universe where Love takes root
it is not madness
which separates us
but fear that there is not enough Love
to carry us madly
back
into each other's arms
I blissfully love you
there is nothing between us
but this sting of distinction
you are you
or I am me
whatever the confusion
I have a wrench
to remove that door
forever
if you so choose
Your Beloved
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