rage is like a liquid spigot redirecting me
from you to me
from you to me
back and back again
to the quagmire of self
flatulence, rabies, saponified impish polite narcissism
always back to that influential self
of lust
and altruistic beration
I have arrived here
another apartheid
I want to let go
but I am so on guard.
lover
use your eraser to wake my heart
crack the code of this
ornery dancing,
this pimping love
into an all out quest to attain
attain attain,
to that very detail
I am ambushed
the saboteur aroused and fetching
all this inner lace work
untied
matted
knotted
derived
contrived
all this inner piece meal like a fallen pride parade
my lover
why have you sustained me?
I want to grow old
pass out
and live again
in a different world
with a different conclusion
but you have stripped me
of my fear of death
And my fear of life
we sit
at this picnic
bugs and all
everybody's clock is ticking
and still you pour the wine slowly
the sun is setting
but you spread out your toast into soliloquy
you are not fragile
love is not fragile
so why
do I feel the slipping away of all my fantasy?
why am I so close to every edge
I invent?
My love
I can't sustain you!
I am always wanting everything easy
I am always wanting the nearest quickest cheapest sweetest
I am anything but subtle, focused, reliable
all I want is wanting!
This wreckless word to tyrannically seduce you!
how I wanted to be sweet
but deep down
I'm a rage of me me me
I wanted to surround you with flowers
but here I am whining, on bended knee
at my own grief
wanting you to comfort me
you
to do it all
for me
please
this, my love
is not a love letter
but a purgatory grail
sheepish, gaudy,
absolutely real and unreal both
like a fetish I have for wishing
all this greed parts the sea
of you and me
and an island erupts
from nowhere
into a brilliant blockade
how,
how
this tragedy?
I swing the anchor over my head, bitterly
you must duck, my love
at least.
Your Beloved
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