Thursday, September 30, 2010

Love Letter 322 Arduous Behavior and the Transcendent Scapegoat

I have totally misunderstood
what love is

I have burned the book
that said this
and I have left behind the book
that said that

I have learned from honey bears
and honey bees

I have leaned closer

but I have not understood
what that word is

today
I walked
the 40 days and nights
in my head
and ended up in Paia
with a bag full of lemons
which I'd intended

but the fast
of love,
My love
is no different

it stretches for miles
inside the self
its counts all its longings

it hesitates on its path
it sways
it gives up
it re-resolves

it tightens its fists around the collar of admonition
interrogation
doubt
delay
frustration
purpose
interrupted
it hoists a graveyard of fear
over the still singing coffin
it bears its burdens like a ground hog
which has everyone watching it for news of something it has no interest in

My love
I have lost causes
trying to find my way in the dark
and the Huna
show mercy
though I cringe at the lava rock

if I am asked to
"get in"
I will hesitate
because
I think
I have something to lose
I forget
I have something to gain

even the divers
at midnight
know
the shore
is loaded
with desperate illusions
which they must
forsake
for a deeper truth

even understanding my misunderstanding
is
another detour
from
jumping in

Your Beloved

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