Love Letter 258 the II Taking in the Answers

God,

I forgot how good

your hemlock tastes

when I have given up

and the shroud of practice

falls apart

and I am still thin and frail

and all my promises

made

(only always)

to myself

shear time

of its innocence

and this holy veil

made of sin and water

these abundant sewage sinews

which make the grass green

with their homages

I cannot avow

anything clean

when this wasteland has abutted my predicament

to do God's work

I must rescind

and erase

I must fall over laughing

at the instant cost

of all my fear of pain

I must stop the labor

of forgetting

and protecting

all my bad omens

and colossal shame

I have given up

the silk stone

and the pocket watch

ticking as an instrument of malady

I have given up the sorcerer's polite quest

and the bridge to holistic magic

I have given up

giving you a single thing

to remember me

and I drop

into the subterfuge ocean

because I am not dressed

for the funeral

but

for the resurrection

and this single silting sign

of my own openness to death

becomes my warpath

it raises its hand

to strike

all that is fragile and frail

all that disgusts me in its sorrow

all that makes me weak again

and instead embraces

with a sky

so ravenous

that I cannot surrender

but must

drop

drop

into the pylons of immortal glory

where I can stand confounded

and adored by my own images

of fate

and still

the tired wheel

of rabinith

burns away my beauty

everything is

torn

torn

torn

the apostles in the sunset

of their gathering father leaving

and still

finally

the resurrection

reconciliation

I am at the bottom of my misery

all mystery -- debunked

the only thing now

is this still grass

and the cloud

which is dispersing

you remember my name, love

and this wish has taken everything for granted

you remember how I was the star

of my own

sky

virginal and dusted

but you took me down

down

down

like a pedestal that wasn't working

I needed to come

up

from the ground

first

to know the first thing

about

taking away all my glory

so I might glorify

that which is the True Light

keep the flame

of that which is the True Fire

renege all my adjustments on my master

and let him

lead me

by my need

into the emptiness

flogging my headdress and its assumptions

by my neediness

I have emptied

my assumptions

by my greed

I have surrendered

by my loneliness

I have given my potential

to God

and this, my love,

has freed me

I Love You

Your Beloved